The year is still in it's infancy. Early days. Hardly even under way. Yet, why do I feel so tired, so stressed, so stretched already? I am in deep.
I had a great break from work, for dare I say 6 weeks. I did some fun stuff, even though we didn't get to have a holiday. The kids returned to/started their High School year, and got off to a good start. We sorted bus timetables, uniforms and booklists. We have developed a good efficient routine, for the most part.
I returned to my part-time work, first at the Kindergarten where I teach and then to the TAFE where I also work. That's two days per job. Still leaves me a day off in the middle right?
So what is the issue? What is it that leaves me feeling like I am going under? Is it the fact that both of these jobs have expectations above and beyond the hours you are paid to work? Is it that they both require high energy and a good sense of humour? Is it the politics or the constraints on my time?
I have been lucky to get home from my kinder job before 7pm over the last two weeks. I have had meetings and training to attend on other nights. For my Tafe job I have lessons to prepare for and admin tasks to organise. How can it only be the third week of the Term? I am having trouble sleeping, I dream about death by Powerpoint presentation. I think about my sad little boys at kinder, crying for their mummies and I plan strategies to help them ease into 5 1/2 hours of kinder. It is an expectation that children will receive their full kinder program from the very first day.
I also have a family and a home, although if you ask them they may diasgree! It is The balleina's birthday on Friday and I am too busy to pay much attention to the details, let alone clean the house. I physically do not have the time, or brain space.
CORRECTION - I did not have the time. That is until today when I made the decision to drop one of my days at TAFE. Friday. I called my boss and told her what was going on. She understood. So now there was no need to go there today to work on lessons, or liase with co-workers. I had time to clean and shop.
And .... the best bit of all, I will not be working on The Ballerina's Birthday. There will be no rushing to get ready as well as meeting everyone else's needs before 8am. I had a little tantrum just before I made the call. (It involved throwing everything on the teen's floor, not fixed to the ground onto her bed) and then I knew I was doing the right thing. A big weight lifted and I could breathe again. I am drifting back to the surface.
Just thought you should know: The Image above is clearly not of me. The post title is inspired by this poem but could have easily been Keeping All The Balls In The Air, Something's Gotta Give or This One's Broken, Can I Have My Money Back?